Crisis of Faith

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I’ve been caught in a crisis of faith this last month which has sucked out my passion and vitality, depleted my creativity and seduced me with the idea of hibernating – going aloof from myself as well as the world. All I really wanted to do was hide my head under the duvet cover. And under there was a serious ‘poor me’ sob story I managed to tell myself. But hey ho I’m human apparently and sometimes these moments of transgression pull me under with its rip tide.

Then I decided enough was actually enough. I could wallow some more or I could do something about it. So I took myself on a little journey to explore what I thought and felt about this experience of crisis, what beliefs held me under their sway, what assumptions I had made to disable me so and what impact it was having on me. Well, the hamster wheel revealed itself. The more ‘poor me’ I focused on the less I wanted to be out there in the world or even in my own world being truly creative, in a way which makes me feel like I’ve eaten the best meal on the planet rather than Oliver Twists meagre share. I disappeared up my own orifice to be blunt.

Once that was out of the way and I could see how all of it was ‘made up’ I could re-focus and ask myself what I really love – not in reaction to the crisis but regardless of the crisis. Well, blow me down with a feather duster if it’s not pouring my creativity out in to the world, being with people I enjoy and sharing meaningful conversations, walking out in nature. So what’s the answer? Do more of what I love.

So I am now back immersed in the ocean of my imagination, throwing out my nets, exploring the vibrant colourful words which emerge and the story they want to express. I’m writing Book Two of my Waking the Lions trilogy and over 8000 words in, deeply embedded in the story with my Muse in close attendance. I’m having to re-learn the art of sitting down each day not knowing what I’m going to write next and allow my Muse to reveal it. So far she’s doing a rocking good job as it’s a rocket fuelled start.

Lion Fish
Lion Fish
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Here’s to whole-hearted living! And here’s to Book 2 of the trilogy.

(* Source of photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jiazi/4870417015/sizes/z/in/photostream/ )

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